Author Archives: kee09

Why Not?

I was talking to my friend earlier and I don’t know how this actually came up, but we were talking about  how we’re young and this is the time to try new things and be excited about life.  Instead people are forever worrying about other people’s business; stressing out over things that don’t even matter.  Why not just smile at someone when you walk by instead of looking at them up and down?  Why not actually be happy for someone instead of pretending and then talking about that person behind their back.  What makes all of this worse is that its mostly women who act like this.  We as women, especially black women, should be standing together; you should know that if you have something going on in your life and you need someone to talk to, you can rely on your “sister” to have that shoulder to lean on; you should know that if you’re excited about something or have good news you can tell your “sister” and she be just as excited for you as if it was happening to her.  Life is too short to be comparing yourself to others and to always be trying to bring someone down.  Why not try to be a better you?

 

Issue I’m dealing with…

What I’m starting to realize is that a lot of women and men do not actually know what rape is.  Just because he/she didn’t punch you in the face or kick you in the stomach doesn’t mean you weren’t raped.  Just because he/she didn’t threaten you with a weapon doesn’t mean you weren’t raped.  Just because you didn’t go to the police afterwards, or just because you never told anyone, doesn’t mean you weren’t raped.  And the biggest misconception of rape yet; just because you said yes at first doesn’t mean you weren’t raped.  Anytime the word “no” or “stop” comes into the picture of sexual intercourse that’s the period to the sentence, that’s the end, you’re suppose to stop.  If he or she is forcing you to do it and you have made it plain that you don’t want to, whether you fight him/her, or you’re too scared or ashamed to fight and you just wait for it to be over, that’s rape.  The issue of rape has been heavy on my heart because honestly I’m dealing with it myself.  It happened to me in August of 2009, and I just opened up to someone in November of 2011, and I just told my mom last week.  The whole reason I’ve kept this to myself this long is because at the time I didn’t consider it rape.  In my mind, yes I said no and I said I really don’ t want too, but at the same time at first I said yes, and I put myself in the situation.  Then afterwards it was the thoughts of having to explain what happened to my parents, the police, the fear of people in my city and community finding out, going to trial, and all this two weeks before I leave for college.  This past November I went to see the documentary in the union “It Was Rape” by Jennifer Baumgardner and I stayed for the discussion afterwards, and that is when I realized when I changed my mind and said no the next step should’ve been me walking away from the situation.  She said something toall of  us after the event that I will never forget, “Don’t ever blame yourself; I don’t care if you were butt naked in his bed and at first you wanted it when you decided never mind this isn’t what you want to do, he needs to get up”.  Its so true.  After this, I could finally admit it, but I’m not going to charge the guy or anything because I have let it go and I have already forgiven him, but I definitely want to help make this issue aware.  I have shared my story with a couple friends and it hurts that everyone I have shared it with has had similar experiences.  This issue is something that has been going on for so long and we got to take a stand for the next generation.

OH THAT “N” WORD

Professor Teasdell told our class how she doesn’t want for us to use the “n” word in class because she doesn’t like the term.  At first I was like ok, cool that’s her opinion but then I started wondering why.  Its not like we’re saying “nigger”; its not even like were trying to insult one another, and for a lot of people its a word used in every day language.  I think I do understand now though, because  it is a slang for the word “nigger”, and we’re so much better than that and we’ve came so far to be calling one another ignorant all the time.  How I came to this is because I realized I really hate women calling each other “bitches”.  Like that’s something I can’t even get used to, and even now when I hear it I still get a shocked face that women would greet one another in that manner and out loud;  with kids around and elderly people around it don’t even matter.  So in the same way calling my African American friends “niggas” out loud with people around is just as bad.  Honestly, I feel like its a word that isn’t going anywhere for a while being that its commonly used, children at a earlier age are using it more and you can’t even turn on a hip hop or rap song without hearing it but if we, being the present generation, start by telling the children what the slang really means maybe in future years it won’t be common at all.

Anita Hill was going in y’all!!

First off, I want to start by saying that professor Anita Hill spoke beautifully that night.  She had people laughing, she had people agreeing, and she had people applauding.  I feel like a lot of people came out with the intention that she was going to talk about the trial, but she really didn’t speak on it too much.  What she did say about it was that it did happen, but it’s not like she wanted it too.  She said she would’ve preferred not to have to go to trial or be all over the news and media, but it was something that had been happening in the workplace to women for too long and justice needed to be served.  She explained that women has came very far, but we do still have a way to go.  I liked how she said that if a white man is president, no one thinks twice about it.  If a black man is president people kind of do a double take.  But if a woman was to be president it would be the strangest thing.  So when will we get to the point that a woman can be president and we not think twice about it?  That’s the place we need to get at where a woman can actually and honestly be considered fully equal to her male counterparts.  When she started talking about loans being higher for women that was new for me, but when she mentioned the insurance being higher or letting women go for issues like cancer I was well aware of that.  I remember my dad telling me that our insurance let my mom go because she had breast cancer twice and that they had to find her another company.  All in all, i love listening to what she had to say, and I agreed with every point she made.

I am a size 16!

Oh my goodness it is already April 2012.  Like the holidays was just here, then the new year, and now we have been in 2012 for four months.  Since being in this new year how many of you all have heard your friends talking about going to lose weight before the summer or maybe this is something you yourself has declared to do.  Everyone decides on a few things they want to improve on for every new year, including myself, but instead of saying “I want to lose weight,” I went with, “I want to be healthier” this year.  Studies have shown that African American women are more likely to be obese than any other race.  I mean compared to African American men and men of other races and women of other races; we will be the most overweight.  This was my first time looking up information about obesity rates and all of this information really shocked me, but what shocked me the most was the fact that we have the highest obesity rate our entire life; in elementary school, middle school, high school,and over eighteen.  So now after looking up these statistics, which you can view yourself on “The Office of Minority Health” page at http://minorityhealth.hhs.gov/templates/content.aspx?ID=6456, I have decided that this is a problem. I am not about to go on a rant about how it is so important to lose weight, and tips on how to eat healthy because I am definitely considered obese myself, and anyone who truly knows me, knows I’m all for loving yourself and having high self esteem, but at the same time I’m all for having longevity and making smart decisions.  I went and viewed some comments on this issue on different websites and the debate that seems to keep popping up is that African American women are glorifying being overweight.  I will talk about this for a second because I disagree,  I do not think black women are glorifying this issue, I feel like women who are overweight want to feel accepted just as if they were skinny.  Realizing, that their are women out there who are considered overweight but they do eat healthy and exercise; metabolism and age plays a big part in this and for the women like that, I could see why they would so call glorify being bigger because that is who they are.  Now the other side to this story is that there are also women who are bigger because they basically choose to be at that weight.  It is perfectly ok to be “curvy” and healthy at the same time or as i said earlier love yourself and make smart decisions.  I am in no position to be talking about anyone or giving advice so I think I’m coming to an end, but maybe after reading this you will decide to spread the word about at least trying to live a healthier lifestyle or maybe you will decide to do it for yourself.

No offense….

So I shared with the class last week  the experience I had where my white roommate, who is also my friend, made a comment about African American women’s hair.  Just in case this is your first time hearing this I shall explain.  My friend and I was sitting in the courtyard of the student union just hanging out and a young black lady walks by.  So when she’s out of viewing distance my friend turns to me and asks could she ask me a question and of course I was like sure.  This is exactly what she said to me, “So obviously we both could tell that was a weave, but I was just wondering, can black women have long hair?”.  After sharing this question with you all, it was pretty clear that everyone kind of felt the way I did, some a little more upset than me.  Regardless, when it happened I was mostly shocked, not mad because she was my friend but very shocked.  I couldn’t even get mad because at the time, to be honest, I was trying to come up with a slick comeback like “If you gone ask me a stupid question, let me ask you, can white women’s hair ever stay in a style without looking frizzy and wet, ewww” see I wanted to say something just off the wall to her, but I knew that she honestly did not know any better.  She had not seen a black woman with “long” hair unless it was a weave.  What a white girl would consider long hair is probably totally different than what I would consider long.  I’ve had black women comment on my hair as being long and my hair is a little more than shoulder length.  So when I was over being shocked I gave her a reasonable answer and we went on about our day. I realize that everyone probably has questions about other races/cultures or things you may just want to know but do you feel comfortable enough to ask someone of that race/culture?  So I’m glad that our relationship is close enough for her to be able to ask me that without being afraid of what I would say and that I could answer her without going off.

Homosexuality my newest love!!

In class, it seems like we can tie in being a feminist and being a lesbian, especially being a black feminist or black lesbian.  So with this post I just wanted to express how much I love, in general, gay people.  I always have an utmost respect for someone who is just being themselves regardless of society or cultural norms.  I came into college with a completely different mindset than I have now.  This having  a lot to do with how I was raised and being from a small town.  I tell some of my gay friends all the time that in my high school their was two guys that we considered questionable and both were white, that’s it.  As far as girls, it was “oh their just tom boys”; “their just in a phase they’ll grow out of it”.  So basically I was not introduced to it at all until college.  Now probably over half of my friends here at Charlotte are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and all of the above.  I love the fact that people are more comfortable with being themselves and not having to hide.  I love the fact that society is more open to the idea of homosexuality and embracing it.  There are some things I hate though.  I hate that if you’re homosexual you’re considered an abomination.  I hate that gay people still do not have all of their rights.  I hate that their are gay hate crimes.  I hate that their are homophobes.  I hate that guys feel like they have to say “no homo” after expressing deep emotions for something.  I hate the fact that i know my mother and father would not approve of me being gay…..

You cannot help who you are attracted too, and if you’re reading this and you feel like I’m completely wrong, or that you will never except people who are gay that is completely fine.  Just know I have my opinion and you have yours.  I cannot stand hearing the argument that being gay is wrong and etc.  Regardless if its wrong or not its not your life.  No one is asking you to be the way they are, but their asking you to not act any differently towards them because they are who they are.  In the Bible it says to love everyone, be kind and show compassion towards everyone.  That is what I plan on doing.  It took me a while to say it but I am proud to say that I am a black female who is bi sexual and I love me some me!

 

 

 

Black Men with White Women

I can remember being over my grandma’s house, sitting at the table with my aunts, my mom, and my older boy cousin.  I do not remember how they got on the subject but for some reason they were talking about my cousin liking girls; I think he was like thirteen.  My aunt started talking about how my cousin had been writing letters to this little white girl.  And just from that statement my aunts, mom, and grandma had a whole conversation about how he should not “mess around with white girls”.  I clearly remember them saying “white girls aren’t gone do nothing but get you in trouble”.  This was the first time I had heard of anyone speaking in front of me about this issue.  I do remember watching the issue being thrown up in tv shows back then; the actors would say lines like “we losing our black men to white women”.  Personally, I believe this was more of an issue before this century;  I say love who you want to love.  I do not care but I do know a few black women who do.  I use to wonder why it was such an issue and after getting older I came to the conclusion that it was because of black people being slaves.  Back then it was absolutely forbidden to even look glaringly at a white woman as a black man.  Side bar, white men could get away with doing anything to a black woman.  Black men were hung, and sent to prison constantly for being accused of “raping a white woman”.  The Civil Rights Movement had a lot to do with making this issue more accepting for people because it removed the legal barriers.  In 1967 the movie “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” confronted the issue with the public and had a lot of talk about it.  The movie shows a white couple’s reaction to their daughter falling in love with a black man.  This proves that the issue was definitely more accepted by both races.  I found an article online that talks about interracial marriage.  Here is the link : http://www.soc.washington.edu/users/brines/interracialmarriage.pdf.  There is one part of the article that discusses a national survey that was given to Americans on their opinions of interracial marriages.  It reads, “Only 4 percent of whites approved of intermarriage with blacks. Almost 40 years later, in 1997, 67 percent of whites approved of such intermarriages. Blacks have been much more accepting; by 1997, 83 percent approved of intermarriage”.  I wasn’t too shocked that black people approved more than white people because black men are more accepting of it than black women.  My honest opinion is that then, white people would be upset if their children, either their son or daughter, were “messing around” or dating black children and they would be totally against the idea of their children being married to a black person.  In the black homes, I feel that black women were thinking the same  way but more black men were approving of it especially for their sons.  During this time you didn’t see too many interracial couples with a white man and a black woman.  Today this is definitely not too much of an issue but I know that I have heard black women having conversations asking if and why a black man would date a white woman.  The black women would also have their own assumptions as to why.  The responses that were given by mostly all the  black men were that they would date  a white woman but they didn’t know about marriage.  Now the responses to why and the assumptions from the black women is what I would like to discuss in my next post.