Author Archives: igotpampers

Independence vs dominance

In today’s society there is a lot of Independent women out there, getting multiple degrees, high paying jobs and not relying on anyone else. Why is it that some men might misinterpret this type of women as a dominating women, instead of being an independent/strong woman. Why is it that an automatic turn off for some guys, or that men might find them intimidating. A lot of men have problems with their significant other making more money then them. The man and women both chose their career path, so why do these men hold it against these women who have high paying jobs. I also agree that some women may be dominating and use their high paying jobs the authority in the relationship. But I believe their are many women out there who are in these positions that arent dominating but just independent, and dont have to rely on their counterpart at all. Personally I have come from a household where my mother made more than my father so this was introduced to me at a early age. If my wife makes more money than I do, I wouldnt have a problem with it, and if I did i would try to go back and get a better degree or climb the corporate latter to attain a higher salary than her. For the most part I dont have a problem with it, but I am only one guy, but why do other men have a problem with a women’s independence?

Is Marriage dead???

Is marriage dead? I feel as though that marriage isnt as valued as it was in the past. Marriage is suppose to be a Sacred bond between two individuals who love one another but in today’s society it taken for granted. When women or men marry someone else because of their money, or for other reasons outside of love. With the portrayal of marriage in the media, how could it be viewed as sacred? With shows such as Real Housewives of Atlanta where I believe only 2 out of them are actually married. Shows such as Basketball wives, Hip Hop wives where a lot of these women arent even married. Then shows like the flavor of love, and I love new york that doesnt give off the best presentation of african american relationships. Shows such as who wants to marry a millionaire, the bachelor, the bachelorette, and who wants to marry a midget are taken as a joke, but yet after all of these shows majority of Americans are against Same-sex marriage.

Trayvon Martin Parties

Im sure by now we all know the Trayvon Martin story, the young man who was shot and killed and the killer isnt facing any charges. I really dont think this topic has 100% to do with black feminism but this really pissed me off this morning when I seen this.
While I was on facebook this morning I was browsing down my newsfeed, and I seen a party flyer thumbnail that I just knew couldnt be true. So I enlarged the picture and noticed that it was a party flyer with Trayvon Martin’s Picture on there and said “in loving memory” but on the flyer it didnt have any indication that all proceeds were going to any cause or his family or anything of that nature. Not to mention that it was a Lingerie party and that they will have the “sexiest entertainers” in north carolina at the party along with “$3 long islands and blue motorcycles all night.” Maybe its just me but this is unacceptable, this is how some of our race pays homage to an innocent life taken? Also Collecting money for your own personal needs? I just couldnt believe this and it really angered me, everyone wants justice for this young man but how are we suppose to be taken serious if we have people doing things like this? someone commented on the picture and stated “You guys should have seen the ‘Hoodies and Heels’ flyer.” I dont see how the club promoters, dj, bartenders, “entertainers”, and the venue could hold an event like this without any remorse for what they are doing. Just for a quick buck.

Maybe I am over reacting and maybe they just didnt put that all proceeds goes to a cause, but there is still a certain manner you go about things and in my opinion a party like this isnt one. This really disturbed my heart and I know if I was in that family and I seen something like this I would be insulted and disrepected.

Skin Color

It Amazes me how times have changed but we as black people still go through similiar things. Skin Color has always been a problem in society, but also within the african american race, we tend to discriminate within our race once again. I remember back in the early 1900’s there was the Brown Paper Bag Test, if you were darker than a brown paper bag you couldnt gain access to alot of things, I know of a few Black Greek Letter Organization that used this test for accepting new members. This was used to be more accepted into society with white-americans. In the Mid 1900’s it seemed as if you were too light you were discriminated against because you werent “Black Enough.” It was a joke that said “the lighter you are, the closer you were to the slave masters house,” My mother personally told me that she was discriminated against alot because of her bright skin color because she is half italian. Therefore growing up she would get picked on alot and get into fights just because of her skin color. Also I remember Alicia Keys once said in an interview that she was teased growing up because of her skin color and would get called names. Today in society it seems to be about how light your skin is, you see all of the females actresses and artist that are light skinned are publicized more. Even with some of the darker female celebrities if there picture is taken for a magazine cover or some other form of publication, her skin tone is brightened. I learned in high school in a biology class that everyone in the worlds skin color is the same color BROWN just in different shades. So Why is skin color such a big deal?

Single Mothers by default or choice?

As I shared in my autobiography I am father, and since my son was born I have come across many parents around my age or a couple years older. One thing that I have notice their are alot of single mothers that I come across, I often ask myself are these single mothers by default or choice. I have notice sometimes the relationship may not work out between the mother and the father and majority of the time the mother takes custody of the child, and because the mother may be upset with the father for what ever reason it was that the two broke up she tend to play keep away with the child. I know some people personally who tends to play keep away with the child just because they are a somewhat bitter as too why her and the father broke up. I dont express my opinion with these individuals but it kind of bothers me that just because they might have dislike towards the father they dont want them in the childs life, as if it is the penalty for breaking up with the woman. I know me personally if that were to happen to me I dont know what I would do because as I see it the goal as parents have is to make sure they raise the child to the best of their abilities. So putting your personal feelings infront of the development of your child is something that I have never been ok with, because in my opnion majority of the time children who grow up with one parent tends to have problems with their development and usually it tends to be trouble. These are just my opinions, even though I know their are A LOT of men that run out on their fatherly duties there are still some who dont but others may have different views.

Black Women Appearance.

As a man and having mother was was biracial and doesnt fight the same struggle as other black women when in regards to their hair. I wasnt really accustomed to a woman constantly worrying about their hair alot and that it can defer them from going to certain places, until i came to college. I have noticed that at times I have asked my female friends if they are attending certain events and I often get a response saying “I really want to but my hair isnt done” or “If my hair doesnt look right Im not going anywhere.” I never really understood from my standpoint why a womens appearance was such a determining factor as to why they might or might not go anywhere. Growing up I was taught it isnt all about what you have, you should look presentable but your life shouldnt be determined by what you have. I remember about a week ago I asked a girl if she was attending a party and she tell me that she doesnt have anything to wear. If it were me in that situation I would have put on an outfit that I might have worn like 2 to 3 months ago and went out, I grasp the concept of never wearing anything twice. Is this personal values, or to impress other people or what? I dont have too much knowledge on this I would like some feed back please

Female Indenpendece

i was talking to some of my freinds and we were discussing the misconception of female independence. A lot of men find Independent females intimidating, and tend to stay away from those who identify as being a strong independent black woman. The misconception is that they are Anti-Men, angry and unapproachable, I think these are true in some instances but not in all cases. I believe in these cases some of these women were done wrong by men or had a rough upbringing and have father issues. So sometimes it was just the way that they were raised and they cant help it that they are that way. There are faults on both sides, men for being immature or breaking a woman’s heart and a woman being unable to forgive things that happened to her in the past. In some instances that tend to go unnoticed the women are at fault and the men are the victims when they have been done wrong.
There are many single mothers out there who havent received any help from the father of their child/children and have become self-sufficent, and might seem unapprochable to men. But that woman isnt thinking about herself, she is thinking about what is in the best interest for her children and doesnt want to bring a man in their life and doesnt see it as a necessity at the time that she needs to date. With that being said I have also seen times when a women has gone so long without a man, she still shuts off men well after her children leave the house. All of these instances stem from something even though men might not see it, It is a result of them in some way shape or form.

Pressure Black men put on Black women

The other day me and my friends were having a conversations with some of our friends and we got into a discussion about how black men put pressure on black women, and how black women put pressure on black men.

They Stated some good points saying that men put pressure on women by only dating a certain type of woman, as far as hair, body parts, and other appearances. But in the meantime the guy can really look how ever he wants too if they are in a relationship and it is suppose to be accepted just because they are the man in the relationship and they dont have to do any work. As far as their appearance or housework. they also stated that men make women feel like they are competing for their man with other women which is why it makes them insecure at times in the relationship.

In our rebuttal we stated that women pressure men more than women are pressured as far as relationships and even before, that the man does not only have to make majority of the money but regardless if the woman works or not, and all of his money is spent on the necessities, of living while the woman an feel free to spend money on all of her wants. Also after a man comes home from a long day of work he is badgered by the woman because he is considered to be not doing enough work at home as far as parenting or chores around the house. Then if the women makes more money than the man, she tends to hold it over the man’s head and is kind of looked down upon.